Responsibility Statement

I spent the most of today rationalising why the Grand Old Lady would say the things she said. I made allowances and tried to think the best of why people are the way they are.

But I don't get it. I don't get why they are people who hurt so callously. And even more so I don't get those who reason their action to be an act of love. The greater good.

I just don't care anymore so perhaps finally I can move on. From expectations and hopes. I really cannot live for anyone else anymore. I am just done with this twisted arrangement.

I don't really have anything clever to write. I am tired. But it is not the type of tiredness with which sleep or rest can chase away. It's a weariness. Like Atlas with the world on his shoulder.

I just want to record my gratitude to those that chose to care. Who listened even when it was hard to comprehend. Some people say I have a big heart as though it is something to be proud of. It's not. Because I feel too much, I care too much and in turn I hurt a whole lot when I am disappointed. So I slice a little of the top and start again the next day. Over and over until eventually I hope to come to a point that I am incapable of feelings.

But I am not trying to write for sympathy. You live, you made your choices and you have to be responsible for them. This is what this is. I am so over doing what is right and listening to reasons or even well intended advice. I don't begrudge other people's happiness so don't begrudge me this. And if what I do from today onwards ends up in disaster, I promise I won't put the blame on anyone but myself.

Good luck world. It's been real. Now get the fuck outta my way.