Anyway I've been dying the last few days. Really dying. At the best of times my pain and discomfort threshold is as low as can be but when I'm suffering from a cold/cough/fever/stomach ache/migraine (delete as appropriate), it's like armageddon. Not that work understands of course. But since I am a factory employee, I didn't really expect the powers that be to sympathise.
But... I'm pretty chuffed with myself on the workfront today. Touch wood the worst of work should have been over by today. Hence the sudden need to write. Praiseeeeeeeeee the Lord. But I won't go into detail as to what happened because:
- it's very geeky to be chuffed about things like these; and
- it's probably not a big deal to anyone else anyway and that would totally burst my bubble!
That's not all. Just when I was prepared to be at the ultimate height of my crankiness, I was faced with the sweetest gesture. I tell you kindness is my weakness especially when I am at death's door. Sigh. Keep the jewels, I have had enough of them, I rather have many more of these.
I have been wanting a little downtime. Just to chill and get things out of my system. But as I was going through the motions of the day I remembered the first time when I came back and how I nearly went out of my mind with boredom. Everyone that knows me will know that I am a wanderer at heart. Keep me indoors and I will literally go insane. So maybe the fact that I now have little time to deal with my thoughts is a good thing. I might as well make use of this abundance of energy before I get old and decrepit. Although on hindsight, working out on the cross trainer tonight when you're still ill may not be the smartest thing in the world!
I guess you always have it in your head how you want certain things to be. Strangely enough YOU may not actually be the best judge of your own character. So sometimes Life gets pissed off and decides to change it for you. I suppose it just got frustrated with waiting. I remember talking to a friend of mine about how this year was coming to a close and it is just amazing that once again it has caught me unaware. This year wasn't a picnic and all I can say that it was year where what I was trying to do was literally to survive it. Nothing fancy, nothing grandiose but to just make it to the end and somehow turn the corner. Desperately fighting for my survival. I remember feeling dejected when I said all that but perhaps surviving is not such a simple feat. Maybe it is something to be just a little proud of.
When I first came home, I was scared of the boogeyman and its many disguises. It used to paralyse me and occupy my darkest moments. But it also taught me to be braver than I thought I was capable of. I don't think I am scared anymore but that doesn't stop me from always checking under my bed each night.... just in case. :)
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