Of Wedding Bells and Vows

I was inspired to write at 5pm. Now it is close to 1 am and I finally find myself seated at my desk with the windows wide open. The air is warm and stifling, just another reminder that the hottest summer is just around the corner. My wine is fast losing its chill ..no matter, down in one.

I was dragged to a wedding today. I kicked and screamed but found no excuse to refuse. I went. The surprise? I actually enjoyed myself. I think I was preparing myself for a typical reception like the ones you get back home. But it made all the difference having a Malay wedding here. Not once was I asked when it was my turn, no one cared of that. People had the same views, all seeking refuge from the complexities of what awaits each and everyone of us.

But weddings make me sad. Not because of the whole I won't get to experience all the fanfare of a typical wedding and all that. But somehow in each one I attend, I see little cracks here and there which makes me wonder whether in the grand scheme of things I am actually blessed to be spared by the nonsensical idea of it all. I see the groom getting a bit agitated, I see the in-laws being sidelined, I see ancillary relatives complaining about this or that... but these are all little flaws beneath a happy facade. Most of all I see people forgetting that it is essentially to celebrate the two people in love. Or am I missing the point altogether?

I guess I am naive in my traditional views. I came home wanting desperately to be reassured that love is still defined as I know it to be and not by some twist of fate changed in the middle of the night. But I suppose you must really love that someone to go through the whole thankless task of having a wedding.

I am fast catching a cold but I have no wish to close the window or even wrap myself up. I think this little template of life of mine is due for some honesty so I will persist with my incoherent speech. Perhaps tonight we will take a leave of absence from writing in riddles and deal only in frankness. I hope you will not think less of me for bowing to such trivialities. It's just that lately, I have been wearing my heart of my sleeve.

The whole process of beginning my professional career is starting and I am in two minds in trying to really go for it or sabotaging the whole thing. Because you see, something has changed. What I use to think would be the ultimate happiness have given way to something else that I never thought would be the reason for living. I feel like Scrooge after the visit from the three Christmas spirits. And I guess I am still coming to terms with the whole thing. Who would have thought that there is more important things to life than money and power? Lately I have been feeling a bit queasy but then again I think it has something to do with all the flying "over, sideways and under ......".
But for fear of losing my street cred, will you promise to keep it to yourself ? In the meantime, let me plan ... wait for it.... a whole new world... around her.