Broken Walls vs Yellow Ribbons

There are things I want to forget. Things which I would gladly give my left arm to be rid off. Lock them away in some box but like Pandora I find myself revisiting the contents of that old box. And it hurts. I close my eyes and I feel it against my heart. I cannot breathe and I choke on my own pain.

There is nothing to bring me down memory lane but like a soothsayer suffering from a chronic case of Alzheimer I find myself walking down the yellow brick road. Maybe I am unaccustomed to pure happiness.. everybody leaves in the end don't they? Or so I have been telling myself. Never get too close, never get attached. These walls I built so high and strong, but I cannot keep the rain from falling and waking me up from my own insecurities.

Everything begins with the best intentions but in my trying to do something so simple, I find myself battling demons that I thought were dead. And they laugh at me. At my apparent stupidity. So I turn the music up to drown the cackles. You know I can't sit in the light when faith is wavering, but even more so it's because I cannot see my own face in that mirror. Mocking.Grinning even. Sinister. My evil twin trapped behind the glass.

I keep running and running but I'm just so tired. I want to stop and look back. Distance is no longer my comfort. And from this valley of death I see sunshine and rainbows. I want to be apart of the warmth but I am so afraid that I would taint the purity of it all.

I think I know why Humpty Dumpty committed suicide. All those thoughts in his head, where do you run when it's you that is causing the pain.

So tell me how to leave it all behind. To stop dead in my tracks and run the opposite direction. My knuckles bleed, old wounds. I let the blood rush to my head as I hang myself upside down. Perspective?

All we really want is essentially this.... for someone..for something... to save us from ourselves.

Then maybe... we can all go home.