In Ode to Sir Galahad

In the olden times courage was easily defined by the willingness to do battle with the enemy or accepting a challenge to one’s honour. I suppose in those turbulent times, they had at least needn’t have bothered defining what is considered an act of courage and by that same reasoning the cowardice in the lack of action.

In modern times as we are in now, we deal very much in subtleties. Just like the fact we have moved on to colour TVs with high definition, things are no longer black and white. The enemy is also faceless and you would not be blamed for mistaking them as friends rather than foes. Honour is intangible and the act of slapping another’s face with a glove to challenge a duel would seem rather comical if it ever happened in central KL.

I do not know whether the way I have chosen to lead my life is a courageous choice or a foolhardy one. Only hindsight can prove such a conclusion and unfortunately that only comes when you have done the deed. As a general rule, I have believed that the harder it is to achieve something, the more worthy it is but I cannot tell you with certainty when that struggle should end and you have to either accept your rewards now or admit defeat. There is somewhat honour in admitting one’s failings with humility but I do not have the grace to tell the difference between cowardice and an honourable defeat.

I have doubts within me and I am duty-bound to accord those doubts with the respect they deserve by seeking some truth or compromise between my wants and needs. I hope that I have it within me to pursue faith relentlessly and if proven right to accept the spoils graciously. Yet at the same time if faith proves to be a fool’s promise then I pray I have the strength to concede my pursuit but not break my own resolve in life so that when the time comes I shall accept a new quest with a lion’s courage.

We live in emotionally turbulent times where the worst of our enemies resides within the cages of our own minds. The abundance of knowledge and information confuses and paralyses us from action. The endless choices makes us hesitant and society has rebelled by creating it’s own prescribed norms imposed on others. There is no shame in conforming but only if the compromise is not your mind and heart.

I look to the heavens for some sort of guidance. My physical pain only intensifies the fanatical fire which burns within me for the truth. Cynicism aside, there is comfort in doing the right thing and even if you cannot decide whether it is the right thing, then do it in the right way at least. The burn will certainly be worth it.