Torn. That is all I feel now. I cannot even comprehend trying to put this in words. I have no skill, just the widest range of emotions that seem to turn and spin with each minute. I am defeated. Maybe in the end I should have taken that job offer to go to Switzerland. But I just wasn’t ready. Now I wish I was there.
It is not the work. I have known that for awhile. But like many things in my life, it is a convenient disguise for the true reason. In fact if it weren’t for work all these while, I would have lost my mind. It is an easy answer to the question “what’s wrong?”
The rain outside pours steadily and the day is not different to night. It’s like my feelings are transferred to the vision I see outside my window. There is an insane desire to walk in the rain.
I cannot help it. I am a fool. When I promised myself, never again. I really tried you know. I did but all roads led me to this.
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