In it is the day before my you know what (not wedding). I have been trying to finish a lot of things and basically achieve some sort of zen state of mind. I didn’t think such things could be stressful. I was wrong.
Right now the time is close to 5pm. I have been running things over and over in my head to create some sort of sense. It doesn’t help that the cold air blasting in my room causes me to wrap my blanket tightly around me. Sleepy now.
I feel at this moment really blessed. Somehow, after tomorrow another chapter of my life will have ended. It feels somewhat significant and sad but I also realized it is a run of the mill event for a lot of people. Perhaps it is somewhat sad that I should care so much but that’s just me.
I have been writing my eulogy. Not because I had a sudden premonition of death but as part of a task under this stupid ‘emotional intelligence’ book we have been forced to read. It’s suppose to help you priotise what is important in life by how you would like to be remembered. It also clearly says, that no one ever wished they had worked harder in their deathbed.
Maybe I will publish it here one day but for now I am having trouble writing it.
It’s not so easy trying to determine what you want in life. I often felt it is easier to say what you don’t want and just sift things out. Perhaps we are spoiled for choice or perhaps we know that as humans we are fickle in nature.
In my mind there is a certain sense of “What Now?” . I am wavering in conviction nowadays and I feel like I should try something unexpected and take a chance. Of course I am scared, terrified even but tell me whether waiting around is the better option?
Fingers crossed for tomorrow. If anything it is perhaps slightly amusing I will be wearing a man's shirt. Yet fate, has a way of bringing you full circle.
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