Forbidden Love

It just seems that when I seem to have the luxury of time, the thinking goes into overdrive and all sorts of thoughts flow.

It doesn't help that I am at this stage in my life when I should be ecstatic,I feel somewhat dissatisfied. Sometimes no matter how many times you repeat you are happy or thankful you fool everyone but yourself.

I found my old CDs and after dusting away the cobwebs I am listening to a lot of old school R&B. It tickles me. But nothing is a better reminder than a particular song to transport you back to that awkward teenage phase.

I remember the song I use to listen to when I had such an enourmous crush on this particular senior. And how I would lament the pain and suffering of having such a crush. Lying on my bed and dreaming up fantasies. Such a girl, although at that time I certainly did not think so. Now she is my one true love. Funny how things turn out...eventually. Lucky does not even begin to express it.

But it was easier then when your view is somewhat narrowed. You world was manageable. But now... there are just so many permutations and calculations I have lost count of the many responsibilities and considerations I should have. And I long for yesteryear and even when we were away together for that year and a half.

Tell me, is it better to seek refuge from the world and live in your own little bubble when there is only you and me or is it better to face the realities of life and with it hardships continue to grow. Surely a relationship that is meant to be shouldn't be able to just thrive in perfect conditions? And I have every faith that even the depths of the North Pole this love would find a warmth incomparable.

Yet for all my clever reasonings and organised thinking, the simplest heartache is the inability to share this love I have for her with the whole world. So if I could give a message to the couples of the world who are lucky enough to do so, I would tell them to cherish each other and to treat the ability to parade their right to love as something so sacred that only death could be a reasonable excuse for separation. I would tell them to use this blessing to lean on each other and create your own paradise comforted that the laws of man does not allow others to trespass. Laws which are denied to me. So even if there is enviousness attached to this message, I wouldn't change my destiny for the world.

After all, I didn't sit through those many repetitions of 98 degrees for nothing.