In other words...

Yawn.... sometimes I think the past had it easy. Choices were limited and you could be united in rebelling against the system. Nowadays, I have the leisurely of choices that my tiny mind cannot work out the permutations. So I won't. Instead I have taken an executive decision to do nothing. It is harder than it sounds, I can assure you. Especially for a dictator like me.

One morning I woke up and someone else has taken the place of the old me. In my stead, I see Gwyneth Paltrow in her fat suit. I guess the girl of Ipanema is just a dream. This alien abduction is a rude invasion of my skin suit which is stretched to the limit.

Let's see whether I can deal with time. Life cannot be looking forward to the final curtain but in the end restlessness must be a sign of insecurity. I sit here with my laptop, typing my life away but in my mind I am sitting outside in the balcony on a calm moonlit night, drinking a glass of wine, holding a sheet of paper and writing poems.

I miss the cold and the bristling wind against my ear. The rush to get behind closed doors and the sudden warmth. The anonymity of the city, strangers in the night, sharing a knowing glance. An unspoken understanding. The careless dance across the living room, giggles to accompany the absent melody.

And yet, here I still sit with my eyes closed. Remembering and conjuring in equal measures. Trying to recall the spells promising happiness. Why is it recollection is never complete? Somewhere between memories we audit the sadness and fear only detailing the laughter and the cavalier of youth.

Quiet now, there will be time to reflect again but for now let's try living.