Signs

I sound like a bad episode of X-files everytime I try to explain my state of being... "I'm here but not all of me you know? Like a part of me is elsewhere...Like my mind its always thinking, never relaxing...It's me but not really". Work has been a bit crazy the last few days and I feel as though it is just taking every bit of my sanity.. I find myself doing weird things..just because I can't be asked to even care anymore... Common sense? Seriously, I am anything but.

A snippet into my chaotic world this week, I'll probably laugh at this tomorrow but today/tonight... oh what a circus. I considered getting these pair of trousers which were a bit tight...Why?...And this is what I was thinking... Well I think it'll look real good on me when next week kicks in cause we're expecting a heavy workload therefore I won't have time to eat and the weight will just fall off. The sad thing is? I didn't realise until a day later how fucked up it was to even think in those terms.

When I do get a chance to eat I pick sandwiches... not because they are good or if I even care what the fillings are... I only eat them cause I use my left hand to eat whilst the right is to write.
Every morning when I get up the bed looks like it hasn't been slept in. I never move once my head touches the pillow... it is not a slumber, just simply comatose.

I have frequent headaches and I think its because of my eyesight, things look much too fuzzy...I run my fingers through my hair but even that brings no respite to the neverending madness.. I shouldn't worry but its now speckled with grey hair... I found three this morning.

I bumped to a friend on my way back... he looked like I felt, a bit drunk on the work, flushed... and I ask him how he was... then everything came pouring... all the dissatisfaction...the pressure... the what am I doing here?...the no one cares about him...I feel for him but it sounds too much like my life.......

But people shouldn't worry about me.. it's not like I'm crashing...I'm just on automatic pilot to destination unknown... and the truth? Well I have it on good authority that it is somewhere out there...