Is it the inability of attainment that makes us want it more?
Had I been 'normal' I wonder if life would have just been picture perfect. I suppose wishing does not make it true and it is an exercise for fools, but you cannot but wonder.
I feel grateful for what I have now. But the road I chose, it was thorny and filled with thieves and shapes that move in the dark to frighten the life out of me. Yes, me. Sometimes we have to park that arrogance and take a good look at ourselves.
The more I allow the passage of time to continue, the more doubtful I am of everything that once was so certain, so ingrained.
I cannot help but envy the simple life but I know not to wish in case you get what you wish for.
Am I proud of who I am today? I am detached at times to my reality. Viewing my days and nights like a long neverending episode of a beloved tv series. I try not to take ME so seriously. Capricious in manner, who am I to trust my feelings of today when tomorrow I can feel something else so strongly. Changeable or in denial? Is there really a difference in the two?
What was once gregarious, seems a poor substitute.
No doubt there is an element of being wiser and more decisive. I feel that in me. And more reserved which could be a good or a bad thing. I really don't know.
But I am avoiding what I truly desire. For fear of hurt and it makes me feel cowardly and undeserving. Maybe it is time to shake things up in this game.
To those that matter, take care of yourselves.
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