Hey Nelly

I hate living in the world of pretend. But sometimes there is no remedy to it because baring your soul sometimes give license for fools to tramp on you. I cannot let that happen to the walls I have so painstakingly built.

The stress has been enormous and I don’t quite know how I managed to pull it off. Now it’s a bit about being careful what you wish for. Because sometimes life likes to play tricks on you. Although some stress is good, puts everything in perspective. But it’s hard sometimes to keep positive when all you wanna do is throw in the towel, cash out your savings and just live. The whole notion of being a wanderer is romantic and exciting. But deep down I know I cannot sip wine from the bottle in a brown bag.

As I age, I find that the little things which I took for granted like playing sports is a luxury. The knees start to wobble a bit and the muscles everywhere ache. This is only halfway thru life. Wonder what it would be when we turn the clock even further.

I am a bit subdued today. Pondering where I should be heading. Everything is a bit out of whack lately and I am annoyed by it. 2012 feels odd. Although I can’t slow down or won’t slow down. I have created all this career and financial milestones to keep it exciting and they are. But some fronts are more important than others. It irritates me that I can’t seem to fix it or make it better. It’s like trying to tame a grizzly bear. Sometimes I try too hard. I am getting better at relaxing but am not quite there in letting go of the reins.