Edge of Reason

So in a blink of an eye another year has come and frankly it feels a lot like the last one.

My break seems like a distant memory and I am suffering from this lack of sleep. Sigh – work. It shouldn’t really be the thing that defines you but even the nicest person can turn into a monster when robbed of sleep and rest and generally “real conversation”. I wonder why sometimes I do this – it cannot be all in pursuit of money. Because if it is I’d be in trouble as the job I do would require many many many years of pain before it starts generating the kinda income that is substantial. I think it is also pride which prevents me from throwing in the towel and without trying to sound like a prat but the need to be better at what I do. I can honestly say that after nearly 7 years of doing what I do, I am comfortable with walking away and trying something new. Maybe it is a year of change but it is too soon to tell.

I think I am set for another grueling couple of weeks before a breather kicks in but tonight, I really want to do something nice. Something I enjoy. I have been off the sauce for 12 days (woah….!) now just to detox and I have to say it does feel good to only eat healthy for awhile. I wish I could scheduled more squash time though now that I have been certified healthy.

On an aside, why is it when you are just about to achieve your goals, you get panic attacks thinking whether you deserve this or not and you delay cause you wonder if you actually do it, then what?