In Hope

I came into a family entrenched with duties and responsibilities. For the opportunities I am deeply grateful but my life was no bed of roses. I know of pain and I know of wanting everything and having nothing. I know of being penniless. I don't talk about it now but some memories will remain but others have carried harsher legacies so I don't want to dwell on my supposed hardship when somewhere out there someone has had it worse. But we don't choose our circumstances... just how we deal with them. We can only choose how we conduct ourselves and more so in terms of adversity.

So when I was faced with a betrayal so deep.. where I lost trust in the world around me suddenly there was reason for everything. I wondered for a moment how someone can be so callous and resigned myself that maybe perhaps maybe the bar I set is just unattainable. Because in the end, it is how we make our decisions that counts. Not the decision itself.

But without any judgement, I should have seen it coming. I was hanging on to something that was only real in my mind and no one else. So be it. I have no qualms. I was at at a cross between whatever and can't care less.

So as I walked down that road resigned to my fate.. something out of the blue hit me. Just when I was headed to what was considered the right path. And I don't know what to do with it. It is inconvenient, unexpected and can only lead to disaster. But if we only live once and if life is a gift then there is really no debate.

My remorse makes me human and even if I look for perfection, it is my flaws which makes it worth the while. So here I am wondering what to do and at my all too familiar crossroad.

But you have to live with honesty to yourself. And find some way of making things work. So blood and pain may be on the cards and yet.... can you give me a better reason than this to live?