Feeling a bit like a headcase at the moment. It's been awhile since I've had such a massive migraine but for some reason one hit me like a ton of bricks and kept me comatose for most of last night. Maybe it was the prolonged heat or the sudden panic attack. Or the obsession to lose all this excess fat. Whatever it is.. it's gone now.
Almost like clockwork I am the go to person again. I normally don't mind it. Comes with the territory I suppose but I guess it's a thankless job to always have to ensure the balance of the world... my world. I want to lock myself in a bubble and float daintily over the hills and if I am lucky it might actually fall over the edge of the cliff onto the jagged rocks.
Morbid isn't it? I don't mean it of course... I think... sometimes I don't even know why these thoughts come into my head. Or rather images. Maybe because I am not such a good person...although I try real hard to be... but that's just the story of my life. A+ for effort and a D- for results.
Every time I write here I don't think too much but just write what comes to mind. Maybe it's a way of purging these unwanted thoughts. I don't even know whether it is the whole truth I write or just fragments. I suppose the latter, I don't think we are capable of being so honest with ourselves. It would destroy us.
I'm just searching again... like some emotional nomad... for a cave to take shelter in. In the meantime my alter ego is on a unicycle in a top hat and juggling so many balls. One for each responsibility.
But responsibilities is no substitute for purpose and I really don't know the reason to it all. Can I find some sort of peace with being the way I am?
Almost like clockwork I am the go to person again. I normally don't mind it. Comes with the territory I suppose but I guess it's a thankless job to always have to ensure the balance of the world... my world. I want to lock myself in a bubble and float daintily over the hills and if I am lucky it might actually fall over the edge of the cliff onto the jagged rocks.
Morbid isn't it? I don't mean it of course... I think... sometimes I don't even know why these thoughts come into my head. Or rather images. Maybe because I am not such a good person...although I try real hard to be... but that's just the story of my life. A+ for effort and a D- for results.
Every time I write here I don't think too much but just write what comes to mind. Maybe it's a way of purging these unwanted thoughts. I don't even know whether it is the whole truth I write or just fragments. I suppose the latter, I don't think we are capable of being so honest with ourselves. It would destroy us.
I'm just searching again... like some emotional nomad... for a cave to take shelter in. In the meantime my alter ego is on a unicycle in a top hat and juggling so many balls. One for each responsibility.
But responsibilities is no substitute for purpose and I really don't know the reason to it all. Can I find some sort of peace with being the way I am?
Sigh... time out from all of this. Must keep my mind away from all negative thoughts. My main concern right here, right now? Lunch. And the way to get to this Indian restaurant I once went to ages ago... Screw the diet.
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