Status Quo

I know life is not easy. I know it’s never black and white or right or wrong. I know you can never deal with absolutes.

But I also know you need to take control of your path and if you have to create these artificial rules then so be it. The one thing you cannot be is a drifter. Life is not a river that will one day merge into the sea. Drift and you may just get yourself bashed up against the rocks. Messy.

So I make my artificial rules. I ask those questions to determine my perimeters and take it from there. So temporarily I cannot deal with the intricacies of ‘what ifs’ because I need something tangible. Something real. I make no excuses for anyone but that’s only fair as I make no excuses for myself.

I don’t know what a pause, look, touch or even cryptic words mean. And I don’t wish to know. I just want to be for awhile.

So do me a favour: Presume nothing, Assume nothing and Resume nothing. Because you can't take me out of context and there are too many facets of me for anyone to understand.

Before work this morning, 'Interview with a Vampire' was on tv. Strange choice at 7 a.m. but I'm not complaining. I love Anne Rice. I drove to work wondering whether I was Armand or Louis.

Armand

They had forgotten the first lesson...that we must be powerful... ...beautiful....and without regret.

Louis

You can teach me this?

Armand

Yes.

Louis

To be without regret? Then, what a pair we could make. But what if it's a lesson I don't care to learn?

Armand

What?

Louis

What if all I have is my suffering? My regret?

Armand

Don't you want to lose it?

Louis

So you can have that too? The heart that mourns her....whom you burnt to a cinder?

Armand

I swear I didn't...

Louis

But I know you did. I know... ...you... ...regret nothing. You feel... ...nothing. If that's all I have left to learn... ...I can do that on my own.

Armand

I will die.

Louis

No. You are dead. And you want me to quicken you once more. And as much as your invitation might appeal to me... ...I must regretfully... ...decline.