Architect at Work

I need to be working. But somehow I cannot bring myself to care about the two statues in front of me. Other things on my mind.

Why is it I find it necessary to sabotage myself at every turn? I don't know if it's because I am afraid of still waters or my own decisions. Maybe it's hedging. Just to jump between one choice to another so that your chance at regret and happiness is somewhat equalled. I think you'd need a team of scientists to decipher this mind of mine.

I am contemplating not moving today. I feel like being a slob in front of the TV but these social engagements nag at me. I know they'll win eventually. There was just one person I wanted to talk to today. Did that. Felt better. Had nothing to do about my drama.

There is nothing wrong with my life. But there is also nothing right. There is just a state of being. And it just seems that I can't let it be. Like I have to jeopardize it somehow, rock the boat, mess up the equilibrium. Just because I can. Will somebody analyze my childhood? Seems somewhat fucked up the way I think lately.