Reflection on Lack of Action

One extraordinary experience as ordered occurred. Sigh.

I need to process this side of me. Is it possible that deep within this gregarious, in your face, arrogant and vain persona lies a shy person? *Gasp* But for one night I had inhibitions, I was terrified and completely out of my depth. Could it be the setting? The company or perhaps it was the anticipation of change? I have no idea. I think even if I had the power to change the night, I wouldn’t want to change a thing. For once I was more observer than performer and sometimes it is nice to play a different role.

The last few months I have been undergoing so many periods of transformation I feel like cable TV. I was vogue, I was hobo, I was casual, I was demure, I was wild, I was proper and I was tramp. Trying out everything to find out what is me. But maybe ‘ME’ is a combination of different facets to make one melting pot of confusion. I am just lucky I have watches to match each ‘costume’.

Fasting is hard here. But it’s only day 3. Shouldn’t complain but I don’t think writing in blogs count. I am so tired I have no idea what to write. But still want to write….. “must not give in..” *slumps on the table*.