Blackout

Ok so much for being 80% there. Relegated back to only being about 50%. Blame it on my impatience, blame it on my eagerness or even blame it on the alcohol. Funny (not in a ha ha kind of way) how when things turn out alright in the end it become hilarious when it could have easily been disaster central. No matter, we live for these moment, no? Oui.

They say when you are young and when something bad happens, you always feel like your world is about to end. But when does it start to actually be true? When do your feelings and your reality actually meet? But that said I don't want a do-over. I don't want to change anything in my life. Ok for awhile I was seriously about wanting to do better in my degree instead of fooling around so much but now, it really doesn't matter. I am stronger not because I failed but because somehow, I got back up.

So despite me knowing it's my own stupidity that has led me here (I mean who takes the whole don't mix medication and alcohol seriously anyway??)... I will be ok. Eventually. This is just another lesson in a series of lessons.

It's been 8 months or so since I have been back. I thought I had climatised. But there are some things which are still foreign to me. Like the heat. I never knew heat exhaustion is a real thing. I don't recommend it. I can't help it. Until I get accustomed to it, there is little else I can do. That's true for many things right now. But that's ok, I got time to spare... for now.

And I am ok with the knowledge that I am an old soul. Have been and always will be. I am learning to trust myself a lot more. I know I have been unsure lately and that's fear talking. But there are things which feel right and I should be led by this. Maybe then it will all make sense.


L'amour faite passer les temps. Les temps faite passer l'amour.