Morning Heat

6:32 am finds me on my bathroom floor wrenching. I wish I could say this is new but it comes and goes so I am just grateful for the brief respite I've had. I am annoyed though. Even this is factored into my schedule and it's suppose to be a 7:15am activity. It makes all the difference in the world.

Maybe it's the stupid heat or the light that creeps into my room to just piss me off, but my head is pounding. It's a creeping feeling of pain and when I speak it sounds like someone is beat boxing in my head. Perhaps it's the hollowness.

So this is where I am at 8:18am on a Monday morning. Ready, pristine and fucked off as hell. All the while my left brain is doing jumping jacks. Why am I even writing all this? Maybe I am using the same antidote twice. Feel ill, throw up, feel better. Have headache, word vomit, feel better?
Aaah I am so uncouth today it's unbelievable.

There are things to address but I am stalling them. But I suppose this week is the week to end all weeks. I feel like shouting to the world "you want a piece of me??" Will somebody put me out of my misery.

This is not helping. I need a human punching bag, I hope somebody pisses me off at work today.

She says I am just tired that's why I am quiet... I got no stories to tell. Many many stories I know but they are dark ones which people do not want to hear. Everything is orchestrated. Maybe it's because when you cannot fix that major thing in life you overcompensate the other aspects of your life. You make them perfect. But the thing about being a perfectionist is you see flaws in everything.

I just want this pounding to stop. I think I'm surprised that I am getting a migraine at this juncture. God knows why. Last night was a mistake but I was ready to explode. I never claimed to be a saint. Just a perfect bitch.

And so the week begins........