So with a prolonged Friday night which resulted in drinks, leaving my phone in some restaurant, getting into an argument, finding my phone, making up after the argument (in that order).... I was comforted by the thought at 2am that the next 48 hours (at least) is one of solitude.
I have always loved having some time alone and it should come as no suprise as so many people do. But this is an activity that has been long denied to me not by choice but by series of events that have come naturally so that I cannot recall the last time I was home alone for a day. So with great glee and with the utmost confidence I knew I was going to enjoy this. Yippee. So it seemed at that point.
Roll on Saturday. Woke up late 11am (yes I am that cool..) and after the disappointment of waking up to a fab dream where I was shopping in Sainsbury's and they sold Double Deckers here (both prawn AND the chicken flavoured one).... I was ready to start the day. By 11:45am I was bored. I was all showered and dressed but with nowhere to go. Note to self: DO NOT CALL ANYONE.
Fine then, after an hour working out I started feeling pretty good about myself. Checked time. Oh my god it so cannot be just 1pm??!!! The sun was shining out there so I thought I might go for a walk..ALONE... but before I could do that I got caught in the little ray of sunshine that was peeking through the windows of my bedroom onto the middle of the bed. The half-cat in me could not resist so in seconds I was purring soundly curled up in that sunlight. DAMM DAMM DAMM.
Sleepily I got up and already thought: This isn't going well. Maybe I should just call some friends and go out. Silently I prayed to the powers that be to give me a sign.
The phone rings. My my, God is quick nowadays!
With a little arm-twisting ..ok ok none at all... we decided to get lunch at 4pm. Hey I gotta eat don't I? So what can I say the rest is history.....
Today I tried again and was marginally more successful. But that was mostly a result of yoga-phone talking...i.e. long hours on the phone in awkward positions such as feet up against the wall while back on floor. It's my mom, bro, sister-in-law, neighbour and any strangerin KL.... by the time I finally put the phone down I swear my brain cells are all fried up. No matter how many thousand timesI tell em to ring the house phone they ring my mobile. Go figure.
So I found out a few things about myself. I don't do being alone so well nowadays and I wonder whether it is because of where I am in life right now or just because I think I scare myself too much thinking the things I do. Speaking of which.... I wonder if everyone gets this...everytime I blog I hear my voice in my head reading aloud what I am typing. Is this normal? Well considering the number of posts I have put up this weekend including this one which can compete with "War & Peace" my voice is starting to get on my nerves. Good God do I really sound like that??
I digress. Anyway having this two days of me time (minus occassional need for food), had me thinking. Why the hell am I so worried about next year??? Like since when have I, me, mi, moi...ever spent more than two seconds making a decision that will probably change my life. Going to Oundle, Nottingham, not doing the Bar, (oh my God I so typed my firm's name there..my press agent would so kill me!), and various other life-changing decisions have always been a product of a two minute deliberation. Ok given it's usually indirectly persuaded by some girl... but a life without passion or romance is incredibly not worth the effort..and face it I am all for the going down in the blaze of glory and all that jazz.
So you know I will probably panic about this a little more but if the past is anything to go by... I think I will wait for that big red bus of a sign to hit me and I'll know what to do. But the whole point is it's meant to be hard, it's meant to leave you at times confuse and unsure... anything worth having always is.
Finger's crossed, hand on heart... I'll let you know when that
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