My Muse

I can't sleep. A lot of things weighing on my shoulders but everything always looks clearer at 2am. I have "Advertising Space" playing in the background and Helnwein's "Boulevard of Broken Dream" imprinted in my mind. I was rummaging through a million things and came across this poem I wrote a couple of years ago... or somewhere around that... when things just seemed so hopeless...when I doubted everything could turned out alright. Funny thing this destiny and the choices we make. Everything that has happened...happened for a reason.

Walking home from streetlamp to streetlamp, I cannot help but feel as though I belong here... there is no reasoning to it. Yet I am so tempted to run again. Start anew. Selfish? Maybe... but there is nothing I learnt to persuade me that continuity can be sustained... I don't know when I became this urban nomad but I play it so well.

So Paris, New York..give me your best shot... seduce me with the city lights and the promise obscurity... gets me every time. London...forgive me but you no longer hold any secrets I have yet to uncover... but it is not time to let you go... you allowed me so much freedom and in you I found myself..... true love will belong to you......... But KL.... you never forget your first love do you? Even if it was clumsy, silly and destined to fail... you never forget it.... but is it enough to bring me back...... there was a reason why I left you... and all the things I said to let you let me go... forgive me... I knew even then that there were lies... but it was more to comfort me than to decieve you.

It's starting to get crowded in this closet of mine. When is the last time you took a chance? Gave everything up for something completely unknown? Security, stability and opted for the road less traveled... Calculated risk? It's worth every bit of pain.... cross my heart... I still have a lot of dreams that needs fulfilling... and I promise you it'd be worth the ride. Just don't die on me yet.