Silent Night

I have been struggling lately trying to figure out where I am at the moment and what I wanted or needed in life. For so long it somehow felt that life was going through warp speed and I was barely hanging on to its coat tails. This time around I find myself in the driver's seat trying to navigate my way. I'm afraid it's still a case of destination unknown but didn't they say that it is the journey that counts?

I find myself being so honest about myself lately that it scares me. What the hell happened to the security of denial? Perhaps it is age or the first tinge of wisdom but I suspect I am tired of playing these games and just long for simplicity. I've paid my dues and now I think I should be allowed my selfish whims.

I have been talking a lot lately, for some reason I found myself being a port of call for broken hearts and crazy relationships... so ironically I had taken the mantle of Dr Love and proceeded to bestow upon my unfortunate patients doses of comfort and reality. I sound like I know what I'm talking about and the advice I've given actually made sense.... but it is too bad I don't practice what I preach. As always I caveat my pearls of wisdom with a reassuring... "but, hey what do I know?" I do think a second opinion is in order.

I lack the enthusiasm in all things beautiful and find solace in the dark corners of the mind. The silence is deafening but the voices in my head is hotting up not unlike a parliamentary debate. I wished I felt something..anything... but it just seems my heart has taken a sabbatical and left no forwarding address. It is passion which I miss most...in love, anger, sadness, pain, lust, happiness and even in hate. Yet I am indifferent to everything which leaves me feeling bland and empty. I think the problem lies in me. People listen closely to what I say but the truth of the matter is it is the things I do not say which I want so much to be heard.